Friendship. . . of a kind

Last week was the toughest week of my life, emotionally at least.

I realised friendship has different meaning to different people.
I learned that someone that I considered one of my best friends doesn't really care that much about me.
I realised that most people will only be friends with you when you're happy and gay and cheer them up.
I realised that your truest friends are those who will be there for you no matter how low and whiny you feel. No matter how much you cry and complain all day.
I learned that the only way I can protect myself from being hurt by friends is by drawing away so that I don't care for them more than they care for me.

The secret to any relationship for me would be balance.

I'm not one of those people who can carry all the weight of a one sided relationship, whether it is love, friendship or anything else.

And at the end of all this... nothing has changed on the surface. Anyone looking in at my life would say everything is the same.

But it isn't. I'll never be as naively happy as I was before.

She sat at the window, her stomach churning. She could feel the storm building up. The air was full of it. She wondered where she would be when it hit town.

She heard the phone ring and her stomach clenched suddenly. There was another storm coming. But this one was in her life and whether she stayed or went away from town depended on how she handled it.

She tried meditating. Focusing on something other than the problem at hand made her body relax a bit though she could still feel the adrenalin coursing through her body.

Her body felt warm but her hands were freezing. Shock? Some chemicals overly sensitive people produced?

She didn't care. Her stomach was still flip flopping.

Something was coming. She wasn't quite sure what.

Appraisals!

Appraisal time is here. And this is going to be my first ever 'proper' appraisal.

Or rather the time has come for everyone to find out the results of their appraisals. The actual appraisals were done in March. At that time I didn't have time to TALK to anyone, much less sit and update this blog. But it's all going to pay off now. Yippee!

I'm so excited. And just a bit worried. I've been building castles in the air the past few weeks and after endless discussions with others like me it seems that I have grossly over estimated the salary hike I'll be getting.

Not so good.

But who says they're right. I'll just cross my fingers and wait.

Almost everything else in my life is going to hell. This one thing has to be good. It... just... has... to... be... good...


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It wasn't. (April 21st)