Some nights

Some nights I play chess in my head
N knock pieces off, winning elegantly without strife
Other nights I fight a war in my head,
Bloodthirsty n vicious, where both victor n vanquished are covered with blood, wondering which is which...

Head Spin

The world is spinning faster,
and time is running hard,
trying to catch up on itself,
it's so hard to keep up my guard

I keep hitting pause,
but the batteries are lost,
can't stop playing the game,
don't yet know the cost

Reaching tougher levels,
Do I really want to play,
Do I even have a choice,
Is there any other way

Split in my head...

I'm kinda proud of this one - I wrote it all together... no re-writes and edits...

Everything hurts
I'm in so much pain
Broken and beaten
Shattered once again

Once again I've been hurt
Once again I'm a mess
Do you know who's responsible
Care to venture a guess?

Its me of course darlin'
once again I've kicked my ass
once again I stand victorious
Over my bleeding carcass

I've slaughtered the weak
Laid waste to the soft
Ploughed the broken ground
Held my spoils aloft

Made myself cry
Until my tears ran red
Felt the weight of sadness descend
Until I'd rather my heart bled

And now I stand upright
And now I lay fallen
Victor and vanquished both
With both beginning to burn

The end is kinda weak and could be re-written better but then I wouldn't be able to say it was done without a rewrite so will leave it as it is here at least...

Disclaimer: I started it without knowing where it would end, but I do have to acknowledge that half way through I thought of Fun - Some Nights...

Do you really think you can hurt me?

Do you really think you can hurt me?

I've been destroyed by experts,

torn asunder by indifference,

careless friends have broken me,

do you even know the difference.

You think I'm fragile,

that you can crush me with pain,

what you don't know,

is that I will always rise again.

Like the grain in the field,

I'll bow before the pain,

my heart will be ripped to shreds,

but then I'll rise again.

I was taken apart by an expert,

reduced to my component parts,

it took me years and a lot of hard work,

but what you see is a work of art.

I'm a sum of all those pieces,

glued together by so much pain,

one day I'll heal completely

and stop crying in the rain

until that day, don't worry,

do your worst and see

I'll bend, but not break darlin'

you can't really destroy me.

Surface People

Surface people, 

Surface smiles,

I've met quite a few,

as I trudge across life's miles

While I've liked some,

They've been few and far between,

Most of the time I can't stand them,

They never make it through my screen

They seem to have it easy,

Away from Saturn's glare,

It's easy to not have worries,

If you just don't care

Sometimes I wish I could be like them,

And not give a damn,

Make decisions with my head,

Whenever I'm in a jam

But at the end that's not who I am,

I've found my heart needs equal space,

It wants to be co-ruler of my life, 

Head and heart co-existing in grace

Unfortunately what this means,

Is more pain than I'd wish to feel,

That's the price I pay for being me,

I just have to learn to deal.

More sad poetry...

I saw a garden full of flowers,

each smiling and bobbing its head,

not knowing, not guessing,

that soon each smiling face would be dead.

They laugh, they cry,

they live, they die,

leaving us, rotten poets,

standing still, and asking why

Why should they ever live,

if they soon have to die,

why should they ever know,

what its like to be free, to fly

They should be earthbound

cocooned and lifeless

not deluded with false hopes

when all know they are hopeless

They should smash their heads

On the stones at their feet

Stab themselves with their thorns

Bleed with each heartbeat,

If I could comfort them I would,

Though a cold comfort it'd be,

I'd tell them to fake a smile,

and to learn from the distant sea.

the sea is cold and wonderful,

it can shine or it can suck,

it crashes and destroys and uplifts,

and in the end it doesn't give a fuck.

It feels so good....

...until it feels so bad

Three years ago

I stood on a shore

wondering if this was it

if I'd ever love again

God laughed

I found love that day

in a spectacularly unexpected way

A love that warmed an unloved heart

And I was happy... at the start

God laughed, the page turned

all wasn't as it seemed, I learned

my love died (in more ways than one)

left me in the shadows, entered the sun,

And that was the story so far

So I put my feelings in a jar

Decided - No making plans, no bluff,

Give God no reason to laugh

But now once again,

like an absolute sucker for pain,

I feel that old familiar feeling sweeping over me

I feel a quiver in each dimpled knee

My heart sings songs, my thoughts scatter

from lost alleyways my dreams, they gather

And I know God probably just wants a laugh

But I find myself tempted, torn in half,

would it be so bad, to allow myself to feel so good

to build castles in the air, and count stars in the wood

Will I be strong enough to bear the pain ahead

when my happiness eventually stops dead,

should I give heart a chance, for now be glad,

should I allow myself to feel so good....until I feel so bad...