Split in my head...

I'm kinda proud of this one - I wrote it all together... no re-writes and edits...

Everything hurts
I'm in so much pain
Broken and beaten
Shattered once again

Once again I've been hurt
Once again I'm a mess
Do you know who's responsible
Care to venture a guess?

Its me of course darlin'
once again I've kicked my ass
once again I stand victorious
Over my bleeding carcass

I've slaughtered the weak
Laid waste to the soft
Ploughed the broken ground
Held my spoils aloft

Made myself cry
Until my tears ran red
Felt the weight of sadness descend
Until I'd rather my heart bled

And now I stand upright
And now I lay fallen
Victor and vanquished both
With both beginning to burn

The end is kinda weak and could be re-written better but then I wouldn't be able to say it was done without a rewrite so will leave it as it is here at least...

Disclaimer: I started it without knowing where it would end, but I do have to acknowledge that half way through I thought of Fun - Some Nights...

It feels so good....

...until it feels so bad

Three years ago

I stood on a shore

wondering if this was it

if I'd ever love again

God laughed

I found love that day

in a spectacularly unexpected way

A love that warmed an unloved heart

And I was happy... at the start

God laughed, the page turned

all wasn't as it seemed, I learned

my love died (in more ways than one)

left me in the shadows, entered the sun,

And that was the story so far

So I put my feelings in a jar

Decided - No making plans, no bluff,

Give God no reason to laugh

But now once again,

like an absolute sucker for pain,

I feel that old familiar feeling sweeping over me

I feel a quiver in each dimpled knee

My heart sings songs, my thoughts scatter

from lost alleyways my dreams, they gather

And I know God probably just wants a laugh

But I find myself tempted, torn in half,

would it be so bad, to allow myself to feel so good

to build castles in the air, and count stars in the wood

Will I be strong enough to bear the pain ahead

when my happiness eventually stops dead,

should I give heart a chance, for now be glad,

should I allow myself to feel so good....until I feel so bad...

Feni

Found out something strange yesterday and just had to share.

For those who haven't heard of it, Feni is distilled liquor from cashews. It's loved by many, hated by even more, and Goa's most famous product.

For years Goans have been telling others about the 'undrinkableness' of Feni. The way it burns its way down your throat, the fact that it's the strongest drink around. For years Goans have stood back, watched as a non-goan took his first sip of cashew feni and then had a good laugh at the expression on his face.

Many Goan children are allowed a sip or two of feni at quite a young age as it's considered a miracle cure for colds and stomach upsets alike.

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend of mine (Suspect - for those who've been here before) and feni was mentioned. And he said he loved it. I was puzzled. How did an 18 year old Noida kid get a taste for feni. I knew he'd visited Goa once and figured that he'd tasted it then. But this trip of his was more than a year previously and was a 'family' vacation. I couldn't really see his parents giving him feni to drink!

Well I asked him about it and then the whole story came out... Apparently while I thought feni was safely at home in Goa its been kicking up its heels all over the place. It reached Noida! Thats not even one of the main metros.

Apparently feni is the drink of choice for anyone who wants to get drunk. It's 'cheap, great for getting drunk and tastes good with whatever cheap additive is around' in Suspect's own words.

According to Suspect, up north everyone is creating 'bastardized feni cocktails' with red bull / tetrapack orange juice / three week old coconut milk / and even pineapple juice!!

It's like a child I once knew grew up when my back was turned. And not only that, apparently the child has become a world traveller and is sleeping around with trash!

Feni, feni... roaming so far from home...

Packing...

I love packing. There's something magical about packing. A promise of things to come. Of a journey somewhere. Of people I'll meet and places I'll see.

Packing isn't essential before a trip of course. You can always go along 'on the fly' so to speak. But packing prepares you for what is to come. It forces you to think about what lies ahead. It may slow you down at the start, but your trip will be much smoother if you pack well. No stops to shop on the way. You have everything you need and can focus on the destination.

Aaah, the destination. For many people the destination is the whole point of the journey. I disagree. If you approach the journey in the right frame of mind you'll find that every moment on the way has its own charm. Every wayside stall you stop at, every porter you haggle with, every cup of coffee that scalds your tongue, everything blends together in a wild rush of images and sounds.

Not that I have anything against reaching my destination. The excitement, the rush and then the feeling of utter relaxation. The contentment of knowing you've reached safe harbour.

Until it's time to pack again.

with apologies to all Tarzan fans...

I found myself watching Tarzan yesterday. I've never bothered to watch the whole thing before cos he always reminds me of an animated Arnold Schwarzenegger with all his bulging muscles. I've never seen the start. This time I started watching when he first meets Jane...

Anyway this is my take on the scene where his chimpanzee mother is showing him the tree house where they found him for the first time.

Start of scene: Tarzan picks up an old photo of his family and turns questioningly to the chimpanzee...

Mother Chimp: "Yes, that's your family Tarzan. Your father, mother and you."

Tarzan: "What happened here!?!"

Mother Chimp: "You see, it was a long dry summer that year... Food was scarce... We were roaming the valleys searching for our next meal. And then one day, just in time for dinner, we saw your family."

A reminiscent smile plays across Mother Chimp's face...

"We feasted that day. We wanted to have you as an appetiser but we were too hungry. We started straight off with the main course. Your dad was excellent, and your mom made a fine dessert."

Tarzan makes a strangled sound, Mother Chimp carries on undisturbed.

"We carried you along intending to fatten you up a bit.
I've never held with playing with one's food as you know. If I've told the kids once, I've told them a hundred times not to play with you. But it was no use. We were forced to keep you as a pet."

Tarzan's eyes fill with tears, and he bawls like a baby.

Mother Chimp: "Now what's wrong?!?"

Tarzan: "You mean I'm a pet???"

Mother Chimp: "Well, yes. Why? What's wrong? You've had pets of your own. What about the baby rabbit you rescued, and the little antelope you used to play with..."

Tarzan: "But mama... you don't understand... I ATE them!!!"

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Edit: Ok, the chimps are actually gorillas. For all those who give a damn. :)

The Mosquito Mafia

Many of you reading this will assume I'm just trying to be funny. I'm not.

The past few days have been one long war against the Mosquito Mafia in my house. The battle ground is the computer room though we have little skirmishes on the stairs and on occasion in the hall. Actually those skirmishes are usually one sided. I see the enemy relaxing defenceless n swoop, ruthlessly decimating all in sight. But the main battle in the computer room is another story altogether.

The mosquitoes very cleverly took possession of the room so quietly n secretly that no one noticed. The first time it came to my attention was a couple of days ago when one of them (must have been drunk) came buzzing around my head. I killed him of course. What would you have done. And yet, though the kill was only in retaliation to the attack, the mosquitoes decided it was matter of honour and declared war. I was attacked relentlessly. I'd get a few n the rest would lie low. The moment I sat down n lowered my defences another squad would be sent in to take me out.

Eventually I prevailed and the mosquitoes were forced to retreat to higher levels. I would have accepted that. I'm a peace loving person by nature and I would have been ok with sharing the room. As long as the bottom 6 feet were clear they could have had the rest. BUT... I reckoned without their thirst for revenge. The survivors got the word out and soon reinforcements from other families started pouring in. I realised I needed help too. Unfortunately in these sad days good help is hard to find. I tried and met with ridicule. My sister howled with laughter (she still giggles everytime I kill a mosquito), my mom advised Odomus. I refused. There has got to be a better way of defending oneself. I mean c'mon, it's all very well for skunks but really...I didn't ask my dad for help cos I knew he'd wade right in with flit and though personally I love the smell, I knew it might result in my mom leaving before the mosquitoes.

So as you can see I had absolutely no option but to do what I did next. I know it may seem like an unfair measure, but you know they say, 'all's fair in love and war'. And anyway, since they were the ones who brought in outside help, I figured I could take the high tech route. Using brain over brawn. Hence the shift to biological weapons. Some might say overkill. I say dead is dead. Doesn't matter how. Hence I moved the 'All Out' thingy from my room to the war zone. Now the mosquitoes brains are so addled they come and sit peacefully right next to me. At which time I take great pleasure in squishing them. Of course I've considered the fact that they may be trying to surrender. Huh! Unless they find a way of holding little white flags they'd be better off making peace with their maker.

Stupid Forwards!

Today once again I got a stupid forward telling me if I sent it on to 10 people I'd find my true love in a few days, if I sent it to 5 I'd find love in a week n if I deleted it I'd be unlucky in love for 24 years.

C'mon, since I never forward anything, I've probably already got a backlog of bad luck of more than 124 yrs. Are these 24 yrs going to be added to those or will they run concurrently?

In fact come to think of it, one email assured me that I'd lose my job (didn't have one), get run over (I didn't stir out of the house that day), or that a loved one would die or be in distress (I don't know how I escaped that one). I didn't forward it. I threw out a challenge into the teeth of fate n stayed in bed. And you know what... I survived.

Just as I'm going to survive the general bad luck + the romantic bad luck I've earned over the next few decades.

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{And btw... if you're the kind of IDIOT who tries to escape the bad luck that's your due by forwarding those forwards to me than trust me you're out of luck. Everytime I press the delete button I intonate..." May the bad luck I am about to receive be shared equally with all those who've gone before me...". So there!}

Guinea pigs required for relationship testing.

Many people I know I getting married next year. Some of them have chosen partners that are a bit 'unexpected'. It's scary how many people decide to settle down with a 'suitable' person just cos they..

a) Don't have the patience to wait; or
b) Are scared of being lonely.

I know many people in relationships who are lonelier than they ever were when they were single. I think it's high expectations that cause the problem.
People assume that just cos they are in a relationship they need never be alone again. They insist on sharing everything n while that may work for a bit in the end it just seems to drive them apart.

On the other hand relationships grow through sharing...

Ok, I give up. Further testing required.

Hmmm... I think some of the couples I know should volunteer as guinea pigs. I'm sure I could keep them busy with my theories for years together :)

Any takers?

Serendipity

Serendipity - That's my favourite word. Not for the way it sounds but for what it represents.

My dictionary says it's "Good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries", but to me it's so much more. It's every light that turns green just as you reach it, it's every job offer you receive just when you're wondering where to apply, it's the kitten you find outside your door when you're thinking about adopting one. In short to me it's the exact antithesis of Murphy's Law. Serendipity is what occurs when everything goes right. When every step of the way you can 'feel' the pieces fall into place.

It's what I pray for every day.

What is love?

Most relationships suck at times. I saw a sappy movie with one memorable line today. The guy/hero/main lead said 'I'd prefer fighting with you to making love with anyone else'.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's just about finding someone who you want to be with even if you fight.

Maybe it's not, but it sure comes closer than any other explanation I've heard recently.

My hair dies fast!

They say a little knowledge is dangerous. I don't know about that but I'd be the first to testify that a little knowledge can raise some pretty stupid thoughts in a persons mind.

For instance I know that both our hair n our nails are made of dead cells. Or something like that. All these years I've been quite happy that my hair grows really fast. Today however it occurred to me, that since hair is made up of dead cells my hair doesn't grow fast, it dies fast!

"If you want God to have a good laugh, tell him your plans." - 'Sue Thomas, F.B. Eye, Hallmark.

Gibberish

The spammers have discovered me. After months of laguishing on the sidelines I have gained the attention of the evil minions of commerce. They have decided to 'honour' me with their spam and they've done it with a vengence.

All of which is a way of saying I just had to delete loads of spam and if you want to comment you'll now have to type in a word from the 'Gibberish' language. I have a copy of a rare English-Giberish dictionary so anyone who leaves a comment may ask me for the translation if they are interested in learning a new language.

This page cannot be displayed...

I didn't realise how fond I've become of this blog until I tried and failed to open the web page a few minutes back. Everything else seems to be working fine. They've allowed me to log in n they're even allowing me to create this post. Maybe they're just toying with me. Giving me a moment of hope before I'm forced to face the fact that my blog has vanished forever...

No! I'm determined to foil their dastardly plan. I'll refuse to face facts. That will stump them.

And they thought that they could mess with my head... hehehe

Wednesday Friday Addams

I was just chatting with a friend who has a very unusual name. Tired of my complaints about my too-common name he told me to pick an unusual name for myself. It made me really think for a bit but then from some part deep inside me I found a name that felt so absolutely right. "Wednesday".

I'm not sure whether I love the name for itself or whether it's tied up n bound to the character 'Wednesday Addams' from the Addams family. I have to admit I could be biased towards the name because of Wednesday Addams who has got to be one of my all time favourite characters on television.

Wednesday Friday Addams [yes that is her real middle name] is strong, loving, absolutely fearless and very very determined. If I could be like her I would. She lives life exactly as she wants to. When people try to force her into a 'suitable' mould she tries to resist at first n then pretends to give in until the miserable SOB's are lulled into complacency. And then, just when they think they've won, she shows them that it's not really smart to mess with Wednesday Addams.

Yes. If I could be her I would. Make of that what you will.

'Melting Medusa'

It's raining enough to wet feet even if the said feet are perched on 4 inch heels. Ofcourse since it's about 3 am right now there won't be many feet out in the rain. Infact if there's even one foot out wearing a high heeled shoe at this time of the night in my neighbourhood I'll eat my own 4 inch beast of burden. Actually, since 1 shoe would be useless without the other, and since it would mean a loss of almost a 1000 bucks, I'd probably eat both.

I daresay the average reader at this point will stop reading and wander away in search of headache medicine. *Hint: If you don't want to admit you are an average reader, persist*

I'm not trying to cause confusion here. If you must blame someone, blame the electricity department. I had conceived the brilliant idea of writing a post on the superhero persona that would best suit me. I had actually started the process of choosing a name for myself when the electricity went away. The lights and the fan both stopped working too (I suspect a plot). And the rain started. And then the temperature rose so high that the only name I could think off was 'The Iceberg Goddess'. Or maybe 'Melting Medusa'. At which point I gave up on the idea.

Hence this post on the rain. The shoes just wandered in all by themselves.