I found myself watching Tarzan yesterday. I've never bothered to watch the whole thing before cos he always reminds me of an animated Arnold Schwarzenegger with all his bulging muscles. I've never seen the start. This time I started watching when he first meets Jane...
Anyway this is my take on the scene where his chimpanzee mother is showing him the tree house where they found him for the first time.
Start of scene: Tarzan picks up an old photo of his family and turns questioningly to the chimpanzee...
Mother Chimp: "Yes, that's your family Tarzan. Your father, mother and you."
Tarzan: "What happened here!?!"
Mother Chimp: "You see, it was a long dry summer that year... Food was scarce... We were roaming the valleys searching for our next meal. And then one day, just in time for dinner, we saw your family."
A reminiscent smile plays across Mother Chimp's face...
"We feasted that day. We wanted to have you as an appetiser but we were too hungry. We started straight off with the main course. Your dad was excellent, and your mom made a fine dessert."
Tarzan makes a strangled sound, Mother Chimp carries on undisturbed.
"We carried you along intending to fatten you up a bit.
I've never held with playing with one's food as you know. If I've told the kids once, I've told them a hundred times not to play with you. But it was no use. We were forced to keep you as a pet."
Tarzan's eyes fill with tears, and he bawls like a baby.
Mother Chimp: "Now what's wrong?!?"
Tarzan: "You mean I'm a pet???"
Mother Chimp: "Well, yes. Why? What's wrong? You've had pets of your own. What about the baby rabbit you rescued, and the little antelope you used to play with..."
Tarzan: "But mama... you don't understand... I ATE them!!!"
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Edit: Ok, the chimps are actually gorillas. For all those who give a damn. :)
Sunday, October 29, 2006
with apologies to all Tarzan fans...
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27 comments:
LOL !! dont even think of ever making a childrens movie!
Ummm....there is just one problem Tarzan was raised by gorillas not chimps.[unlike some people I can think of :-)]
It's enough to make one go bananas :-P
-MP
Reminds me of the time my English teacher told us about a former student of hers who wrote a children's book about the holocaust. I burst out laughing because it's such a horrible story to tell little children, but of course everyone just heard "holocaust", not "children's book" and they thought I was laughing at 11 million dead people.
@ glenn - Why? *injured sniffs* You don't like my version?!?
@ MP - thanks for the correction :D
I've made a note of it on the post.
@ woozie - I guess compared to that book, my version of Tarzan is quite suitable for kids :D
I love Disney movies.
@ suspect - I'm.. um.. sure you do.
@ everyone beside suspect - was he trying to hint that he disapproved of the post???
:D
jejeje what a cruel joke, why you are 13? if I may? greetings from Mexico!!
@ prismatico - yeah, I have a cruel sense of humour at times :D
I'm 24 and I'd like to thank you very much for your good wishes :)
I'd like to see how you'd improve a porn movie!!!
@ bachelor boy - you want the horror version of porn???
I'd just make the movie using the literal meaning of all the terms used.
For instance... jerking would be jerking, eating would be eating.
Get my drift?!?
Yup. I'm a guy. Take my word for it. Suspect was obviously disgusted with your take on Disney.
He ain't gonna marry you no more...
And yes... that would be horror porn.
Wish I hadn't read that.
Would have thought you would be able to recognise the difference between a Chimp and a Gorilla. I mean, if not you, then who?? :D
@ p - Damn! And here I thought we'd never met! Confess... you're the peeping tom next door!!!
>I'd like to see how you'd improve a porn movie!!!
It'd have me as the male lead, of course, and lots and lots of girls with ample busts, if you catch my drift.
>was he trying to hint that he disapproved of the post???
Draw your own conclusions.
@ suspect - Mentioning porn and you in the same comment would be a vile and disgusting deed.
So sweet and innocent that you are.
[See what happens when you leave me to draw my own conclusions!]
:D
@ p - Damn! And here I thought we'd never met! Confess... you're the peeping tom next door!!! <-- People don't visit the Zoo to peep and for that reason they aren't peeping Tom's.
@ p - sweetheart it's just a suit I wear to keep you away.
Your comment was just a bit confused. Methinks all this excitement is cos I used the word 'peeping'. Don't worry. I've got nothing against voyeurs.
You wear a Chimp suit on? So its all a faux pas?
Nevertheless, you in a Chimp suit makes as much sense to me as a Chocolate tea pot. Why would you want to wear a Chimp suit when with or without one, ppl say the same about you. :p
@ p - faux pas? you call it a faux pas???
Have you been drinking something strong? (coffee/liquor/suspect's cough syrup)
No it wasn't a faux pas! Dammit! I checked my dictionary to be sure and it definitely wasn't a faux pas! It was an intentional, well planned and intelligent way of avoiding attention!
Hmmm... what with the chimp suits and the chocolate tea pots (mmmmm... i love rich dark chocolate...) I think I'm getting slightly dizzy. Did I actually say I don't want attention!?!?!
I'm going too get out that old filthy white flag before I say something else I don't mean...
Pax p - Atleast until I find someone who thinks Renault is crap. Then we can go to war...
Yes, faux pas! The princeton defines faux pas as 'a socially awkward or tactless act' - It mentions nothing about it being done intentionally or not.
A chimp wearing a chimp suit is a socially awkward act. What if all human beings started wearing suits of themselves? Its a violation of an unwritten social rule that expects people to behave with a certain degree of sanity. Oh well, yeah, its only for people, so you maybe excluded. You have a point there. :)
Ha! Renault, crap? God bless the soul is all I have to say.
faux pas, French, literally false step, meant to signify a mistake
Draw your own conclusions, people.
@p: Enough is enough. She's my wife-to-be, so with chimp suit or sans, you do your peeping in some other zoo, otherwise I'll Need To Talk To You Outside (TM)
With My Fists (TM)
@ suspect - *big noisy kiss*
My hero...
I love the smell of pedophilia in the afternoon!
:)
@ woozie - did ya have to remind me!!!
:(
thanks for the comment in my blog, you make my day, right in my latest post is about a big problem in my city of origen Oaxaca, is a very hard time, so you can search about it in the net if you want it, when you post something new just let me know, Regards!!
@suspect - Well, that explains the age and the characteristic show of a bountiful of maturity.
15 yr old kids need to be worrying about setting another top score on 'Motorcross madness'/worrying about the ending of their new 'Secret Seven' amidst sipping milk and momma tucking them into bed. (TM)
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