Abuse

I have a friend who I'm going to call Layla.

I first met Layla when I'd just had a big change in my life. She was distant at first. We lived in the same flat and though we were thrown together a lot, she stayed aloof. At first I thought it was cos she was so proud of all that she'd achieved. Though she was just a couple of years older, she had a good job and was earning really well for someone of her age, sex and background.

And then I got to know her story. She had an abusive boyfriend. She'd been hurt many times. Hospitalised twice. She'd tried to kill herself once. All that money she earned went straight to her account and her dear boyfriend kept her ATM card. When she needed money she had to ask him to withdraw it and then had to account for every penny she spent.

I didn't realise how bad it was at first. I thought he was just a controlling jealous freak. I was a little rude to him one day when he dragged me into one of their fights. That day she came home with her hand twisted so badly she couldn't use it for almost a week. Another time he kept calling and cursing and we were so scared that he'd come and try to hurt her we both got out of there at dawn and stayed away the whole day.

I kept telling her to leave the guy. She kept telling me she couldn't. That this was the life she had chosen and that she had to stick to it. She was just in her mid-twenties but she believed she couldn't start again. She used to tell me everything would be okay once they were married.

I left that place a few months later.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here. She's married now. To the same guy. I've met her and she seems the same. Her life hasn't changed much. I didn't ask her if he still beats her. Call me a coward if you will, but I didn't want to know. I saw the way he yells at her. Some things never change.

It takes courage to face things head on, sure. But it also takes courage to cut your losses and walk away. I wish I had helped her find that courage.