My new year was even worse than I expected.

The run up wasn't so bad...I decided to have some games for people in office on the 30th. Spent the money I'd been saving to party on prizes for the winners. I had fun but had an unexpected client call that evening and ended up stuck in office till almost 9. Went home, and around 11 after dinner, decided I was too tired to study. That's when things started to go south.

I planned to wake up at 5 am and study for 4 hours, take 30 minutes to get ready and an hour to actually get there in time for the 10:30 paper. After all it was Business Statistics - and our professor had assured us that the test would be a
practical one in the computer lab. Aanndd, I am pretty good at stats and
excel... soooo....I went to sleep. Nothing wrong with the plan but I did not leave room for things to go wrong. Which considering that this is my life was a BIG mistake.

I woke up at 2:45 am when my phone rang. My little sister was on the
phone, sobbing as if her heart would break. She'd had another run in with
my folks. I tried to calm her down but with a flair for drama, second to
none (not even me), and without saying the actual words, she managed to convince me that her bags were packed to run away. Terrified and remembering my parents
"tyranny" from my "childhood" (more about that later) I tried to convince
her not to take any drastic decisions while she was emotional. Finally I
had to tell her that I had to hang up on her cos I was almost crying
myself. It was about 4 am at that time. After that I enjoyed an hour or
two of crying until I realized that it was almost 6 am and I had not
studied anything. Sooo... I started looking through my excel files, had a
bath, drove the almost 40 kms to college, screwed up the paper so badly
that I still can't bear to think about it, drove home in a daze and
collapsed on my sofa to welcome the new year.

-*-*-*-

Funny thing is there was just one person in Pune that I wanted to meet that
day. And on the list of all the people who wanted to meet me... that name
was conspicuously missing.

After all it's one thing to actually be able or unable to do something. But
able or unable wasn't the question. The question was about the wanting to
be able. Very mixed up I know, but unfortunately crystal clear to me.