Love never dies an easy death.... It has to be murdered by two people. Brutally starved, tortured and even buried alive. Anais Nin said it more poetically, "Love never dies a natural death. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."
Monday, January 05, 2015
How love dies
Love never dies an easy death.... It has to be murdered by two people. Brutally starved, tortured and even buried alive. Anais Nin said it more poetically, "Love never dies a natural death. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Monday, November 24, 2014
It can happen to you...
Two things I've learned in the past year...
1) "Awareness doesn't mean change."
Sometimes you meet people who give you examples of their bad behaviour, and for some reason, that awareness used to make me believe they had changed. Maybe that's because when I acknowledge bad behaviour in myself, I change it. (Of course many times I don't acknowledge my bad behaviour, but that's another story) However, you should be conscious of the fact that there are people out there who will look you in the eye, acknowledged bad or damaging behaviour and then cheerfully proceed to continue with it!
2) The second thing is similar. "It could happen to you."
Say someone tells you how they mistreated someone.... Unless you hear heartfelt remorse and the clear acknowledgment that they would not behave that way in similar circumstances, THEY WILL ONE DAY MISTREAT YOU THE SAME WAY. Again like above, you may assume that their honesty in speaking about the bad behaviour indicates remorse... Well it doesn't!
1) "Awareness doesn't mean change."
Sometimes you meet people who give you examples of their bad behaviour, and for some reason, that awareness used to make me believe they had changed. Maybe that's because when I acknowledge bad behaviour in myself, I change it. (Of course many times I don't acknowledge my bad behaviour, but that's another story) However, you should be conscious of the fact that there are people out there who will look you in the eye, acknowledged bad or damaging behaviour and then cheerfully proceed to continue with it!
2) The second thing is similar. "It could happen to you."
Say someone tells you how they mistreated someone.... Unless you hear heartfelt remorse and the clear acknowledgment that they would not behave that way in similar circumstances, THEY WILL ONE DAY MISTREAT YOU THE SAME WAY. Again like above, you may assume that their honesty in speaking about the bad behaviour indicates remorse... Well it doesn't!
Friday, November 14, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Annual Health Checkup
Went for my annual checkup and got a font of blog posts out of it... But since a series of posts that make me look silly ain't a good idea I'm going to just write two here instead ;)
So the day started with the fasting blood test and a beating. What's this you say - since when is a beating part of a blood test. Well, since you're me. My veins are notoriously hard to find so my dad warned the senior lab tech that he should do my test since the junior ones always keep pricking me with nothing to show for it.
The senior guy took up the challenge enthusiastically, strapped the rubber tube round my upper left arm and started probing for veins. A couple of minutes of being unsuccessful and he started hitting my inner elbow region. Apparently this is the proven technique for making the veins pop out. But my veins being intelligent, resolutely refused to be enticed by this display of brutality. I'm sure they just burrowed in deeper.
After five minutes of this beating, this was repeated on my right arm. At this point I did tell the tech that he could draw it out of the veins at the back of my hand. (cos that's how they did it last time) He said they're too fine and continued with the beating on my right arm.
The entire cycle - left then right - was repeated before he got tired of the process and moved lower to my right forearm. Here again he tied the rubber n started the beating. Anyone who knows me knows to what lengths I'll go to avoid pain so they'll understand me best when I say that by this time, after almost fifteen minutes of the tight rubber tube constricting different limbs and the continuous beating I was terrified of the day ahead.
And after all this, he took the blood from the fine vein at the back of my hand!
Painful, cos it takes a long time n you can feel the pull on the vein, but at least better than a beating!
Next came x-ray time. The nurse led me to the x-ray room, gave me a hospital robe type thing n told me on change with a vague gesture towards a curtain. Apparently that was the changing area... Lol.... but me being me, I assumed the x-ray machine was behind the curtain. So once the nurse walked out I stood near the table at the middle of the room n changed wondering whether others would also feel as uncomfortable as me changing in the middle of a vast room. Thankfully no one walked in! When the nurse came back and I realised the x-ray machine was right there in the room with me, I did feel like a fool... :-D
The rest of the day followed on the same lines... Who knew annual check ups could be so entertaining?!
So the day started with the fasting blood test and a beating. What's this you say - since when is a beating part of a blood test. Well, since you're me. My veins are notoriously hard to find so my dad warned the senior lab tech that he should do my test since the junior ones always keep pricking me with nothing to show for it.
The senior guy took up the challenge enthusiastically, strapped the rubber tube round my upper left arm and started probing for veins. A couple of minutes of being unsuccessful and he started hitting my inner elbow region. Apparently this is the proven technique for making the veins pop out. But my veins being intelligent, resolutely refused to be enticed by this display of brutality. I'm sure they just burrowed in deeper.
After five minutes of this beating, this was repeated on my right arm. At this point I did tell the tech that he could draw it out of the veins at the back of my hand. (cos that's how they did it last time) He said they're too fine and continued with the beating on my right arm.
The entire cycle - left then right - was repeated before he got tired of the process and moved lower to my right forearm. Here again he tied the rubber n started the beating. Anyone who knows me knows to what lengths I'll go to avoid pain so they'll understand me best when I say that by this time, after almost fifteen minutes of the tight rubber tube constricting different limbs and the continuous beating I was terrified of the day ahead.
And after all this, he took the blood from the fine vein at the back of my hand!
Painful, cos it takes a long time n you can feel the pull on the vein, but at least better than a beating!
Next came x-ray time. The nurse led me to the x-ray room, gave me a hospital robe type thing n told me on change with a vague gesture towards a curtain. Apparently that was the changing area... Lol.... but me being me, I assumed the x-ray machine was behind the curtain. So once the nurse walked out I stood near the table at the middle of the room n changed wondering whether others would also feel as uncomfortable as me changing in the middle of a vast room. Thankfully no one walked in! When the nurse came back and I realised the x-ray machine was right there in the room with me, I did feel like a fool... :-D
The rest of the day followed on the same lines... Who knew annual check ups could be so entertaining?!
Friday, November 07, 2014
Treat your loved ones like clients...
A few years ago I read something that profoundly impacted my life. I've tried to find that article online but no luck so far. But it's something so valuable and sweet, I thought I'd share the thought here in my own words.
The article simply asked the reader to treat every person they loved and cared for as politely and with as much consideration as they would a client. It said that too many people do the opposite. The closer they get to someone the more they relax, the more they take them for granted. People think that's normal, but just for a minute, take a step back and ask yourself if it truly is.
The article argued that the more important someone is to you, the more care you should take in how you interact with him or her. Too many people, specially married couples, consistently do the opposite. If a waiter at a shop doesn't give you the best service, do you let lose with insults? Probably not. You may grumble internally and not leave a tip, but you wouldn't abuse him, right? Why then do you verbally attack someone in your family who doesn't do what you want the way you want it.
If you think an acquaintance is dressed badly you wouldn't mock him or her (at least I hope you wouldn't), why then would you mock your partner. The exact same message can be communicated with love, respect and politeness.
Samuel Johnson said, "Politeness is like an air cushion: there may be nothing in it, but it eases our jolts wonderfully". You may be already doing a lot for your loved ones, but what's the harm in cushioning your acts in courtesy?
If a client calls you, would you return the call when you can? Or would you just ignore it and assume that they'll call you back? If clients make an unreasonable request, would you politely explain why it's not possible, or would you abuse or mock them?
If you are ever in doubt about how to respond to someone who is dear to your heart, just follow this advice - close your eyes and ask yourself how you would react if it was a client at work. Then just try to give your loved ones the same courtesy.
It doesn't matter if they understand or not, if they reciprocate or not. If you love them, they are worth it.
The article simply asked the reader to treat every person they loved and cared for as politely and with as much consideration as they would a client. It said that too many people do the opposite. The closer they get to someone the more they relax, the more they take them for granted. People think that's normal, but just for a minute, take a step back and ask yourself if it truly is.
The article argued that the more important someone is to you, the more care you should take in how you interact with him or her. Too many people, specially married couples, consistently do the opposite. If a waiter at a shop doesn't give you the best service, do you let lose with insults? Probably not. You may grumble internally and not leave a tip, but you wouldn't abuse him, right? Why then do you verbally attack someone in your family who doesn't do what you want the way you want it.
If you think an acquaintance is dressed badly you wouldn't mock him or her (at least I hope you wouldn't), why then would you mock your partner. The exact same message can be communicated with love, respect and politeness.
If you are ever in doubt about how to respond to someone who is dear to your heart, just follow this advice - close your eyes and ask yourself how you would react if it was a client at work. Then just try to give your loved ones the same courtesy.
It doesn't matter if they understand or not, if they reciprocate or not. If you love them, they are worth it.
Sunday, November 02, 2014
All Souls Day
Once again all Souls day is here.. This time after many years I'm home and could actually visit the cemetery. Missed that the past few years... In fact oddly enough it was one of the only things I missed about home...
Will add pics tomorrow...
Will add pics tomorrow...
Friday, October 31, 2014
Walking through life as a woman...
Earlier today...
A Hindu Mahasabha made its usual noises about how women should dress, and someone posted it n FB. I read it and scrolling through the comments I saw some guy (who otherwise sounded sane) said they only had good intentions and wanted to reduce rapes and there was nothing wrong with what they said. Now that got my goat! I expect extremist people to be extremist, communal people to be communal etc, but it annoys me when someone who sounds sane and 'normal' sides with something I think is irrational. I expressed my dislike for his comment, he asked why and I explained that though I was willing to believe he had good intentions I was unwilling to explain since I can't explain something like 'personal liberty'.
People either understand concepts like 'personal liberty' and 'choice' or they don't. Personal liberty is something that is taken for granted, or aspired to, in advanced civilizations, but it is a luxury that cannot be understood by many. People who are capable of understanding, already do.
Just as I would not try to explain the concept of avoiding bad food to a starving African child, in the same way I would never bother explaining these concepts to anyone who doesn't get it. It would take too much time and effort and the child would look at you as if you are crazy. To someone who is about to die for lack of food, the idea of unhealthy food is ridiculous.
To people who are struggling to build fires at night for light, the idea of electricity probably seems heretical.
And to people who believe that society comes before the individual - and for whom society consists of depraved and lustful men waiting to pounce on any female form - the idea that a woman might wear a pretty skirt just for the pleasure of feeling good about herself is probably ridiculous and threatening.
This video I saw shortly after my comment, reinforces that being advanced or enlightened is a state of mind rather than a geographical location.
For the many men who don't understand how a hello from a stranger can be harassment - I can't explain - there are subtle cues of behaviour which should tell you which women just want to be left alone. Brush up on your intuition, go for sensitivity classes, or just take my word for it. Women can even tell the difference between a blank stare and a lecherous one.
Lastly, there are many men out there who understand and stand up for the rights of women... If you are one of them - I can only say Thank You...
A Hindu Mahasabha made its usual noises about how women should dress, and someone posted it n FB. I read it and scrolling through the comments I saw some guy (who otherwise sounded sane) said they only had good intentions and wanted to reduce rapes and there was nothing wrong with what they said. Now that got my goat! I expect extremist people to be extremist, communal people to be communal etc, but it annoys me when someone who sounds sane and 'normal' sides with something I think is irrational. I expressed my dislike for his comment, he asked why and I explained that though I was willing to believe he had good intentions I was unwilling to explain since I can't explain something like 'personal liberty'.
People either understand concepts like 'personal liberty' and 'choice' or they don't. Personal liberty is something that is taken for granted, or aspired to, in advanced civilizations, but it is a luxury that cannot be understood by many. People who are capable of understanding, already do.
Just as I would not try to explain the concept of avoiding bad food to a starving African child, in the same way I would never bother explaining these concepts to anyone who doesn't get it. It would take too much time and effort and the child would look at you as if you are crazy. To someone who is about to die for lack of food, the idea of unhealthy food is ridiculous.
To people who are struggling to build fires at night for light, the idea of electricity probably seems heretical.
And to people who believe that society comes before the individual - and for whom society consists of depraved and lustful men waiting to pounce on any female form - the idea that a woman might wear a pretty skirt just for the pleasure of feeling good about herself is probably ridiculous and threatening.
This video I saw shortly after my comment, reinforces that being advanced or enlightened is a state of mind rather than a geographical location.
For the many men who don't understand how a hello from a stranger can be harassment - I can't explain - there are subtle cues of behaviour which should tell you which women just want to be left alone. Brush up on your intuition, go for sensitivity classes, or just take my word for it. Women can even tell the difference between a blank stare and a lecherous one.
Lastly, there are many men out there who understand and stand up for the rights of women... If you are one of them - I can only say Thank You...
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Split in my head...
I'm kinda proud of this one - I wrote it all together... no re-writes and edits...
Everything hurts
I'm in so much pain
Broken and beaten
Shattered once again
Once again I've been hurt
Once again I'm a mess
Do you know who's responsible
Care to venture a guess?
Its me of course darlin'
once again I've kicked my ass
once again I stand victorious
Over my bleeding carcass
I've slaughtered the weak
Laid waste to the soft
Ploughed the broken ground
Held my spoils aloft
Made myself cry
Until my tears ran red
Felt the weight of sadness descend
Until I'd rather my heart bled
And now I stand upright
And now I lay fallen
Victor and vanquished both
With both beginning to burn
The end is kinda weak and could be re-written better but then I wouldn't be able to say it was done without a rewrite so will leave it as it is here at least...
Disclaimer: I started it without knowing where it would end, but I do have to acknowledge that half way through I thought of Fun - Some Nights...
Everything hurts
I'm in so much pain
Broken and beaten
Shattered once again
Once again I've been hurt
Once again I'm a mess
Do you know who's responsible
Care to venture a guess?
Its me of course darlin'
once again I've kicked my ass
once again I stand victorious
Over my bleeding carcass
I've slaughtered the weak
Laid waste to the soft
Ploughed the broken ground
Held my spoils aloft
Made myself cry
Until my tears ran red
Felt the weight of sadness descend
Until I'd rather my heart bled
And now I stand upright
And now I lay fallen
Victor and vanquished both
With both beginning to burn
The end is kinda weak and could be re-written better but then I wouldn't be able to say it was done without a rewrite so will leave it as it is here at least...
Disclaimer: I started it without knowing where it would end, but I do have to acknowledge that half way through I thought of Fun - Some Nights...
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Being Honest vs. Ignoring
When you care about people it's hard to hurt them.... I get that. But in the important things sometimes it's kinder to be cruel.
If you know someone sucks at photography, you can't encourage them to quit their job and take it up.
Of course if they are convinced they are spectacular at it you may still not want to butt in and shatter their dream. After all stranger things have happened. But what if they asked you for your honest opinion. At least then you'd tell them the truth, right?
And if you know your life is better without someone in it, and they ask you that flat out, it's probably best to just tell them the truth. Don't stay silent or hem and haw cos you don't want to hurt their feelings. Do them the courtesy of telling them the truth. Ignoring a direct question is rude. Of course this is assuming they have been decent to you - if they are pieces of crap then ignore all I said and be rude!
If you know someone sucks at photography, you can't encourage them to quit their job and take it up.
Of course if they are convinced they are spectacular at it you may still not want to butt in and shatter their dream. After all stranger things have happened. But what if they asked you for your honest opinion. At least then you'd tell them the truth, right?
And if you know your life is better without someone in it, and they ask you that flat out, it's probably best to just tell them the truth. Don't stay silent or hem and haw cos you don't want to hurt their feelings. Do them the courtesy of telling them the truth. Ignoring a direct question is rude. Of course this is assuming they have been decent to you - if they are pieces of crap then ignore all I said and be rude!
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