back again...

I'm back n not very happy about it. Had a nice time. Did well (I think), made some new friends, met some of the old ones, bought loads of movies, ..... yeah, all in all a lovely trip.

That's the best thing about my memory. In cases like this, everything bad that happened fades into the background, leaving bright happy snapshots in my mind.

For instance, if I really delve into my memory, I can find things that didn't go well. A friend who I couldn't connect with because of the circumstances and yes... because of her nature. Yet, if asked, all I'd glimpse instantly is an hour of laughter with that same friend.

I wonder why my mind insists on blacking out all the unpleasantness in my life. I wonder if it thinks it's protecting me. I wonder if other minds do the same for the people they occupy.

And yet, with everything that's gone right... with every happy memory,... there is probably an accompanying shadow. I suppose it's the shadow of the parts I've forgotten. The forgotten has it's own weight. Maybe that's why I'm not as happy as I should be.

Or maybe it's not that complicated at all. Maybe I'm not happy about being back because I'm not happy about what I've come back to.