I wish...

Read this on a forum, posted on April 19, 2013...

[quote=pwimbs79]I will say this to all of you. A person who I considered a little sister blocked me last month on Facebook and Twitter. The reason was because she wanted to end her life and I called the authorities in order to save her life. It will be a month on Monday April 22nd and I am still reeling from it. My friend blocked me from her Facebook profile, her Facebook fan page then a week later her Twitter page.

I  have been stressing out for three weeks I lost weight, sleep, and got a cold sore. Right now it has been very tough to deal with because I have not been in contact with her since March 22nd. I hold no ill will towards her at all I made it clear to her in my last message that I will always be there to help in anyway possible. I told her that would never turn my back on her, I am still here for my friend. I was always there supporting her because for weeks she wanted to end her life but every time I talked her out of it. Secondly her birthday was April 14th she turned 24 and I could not wish her Happy Birthday to save my life. Nearly three weeks ago she wanted to take her life now she is still here and a year older.

People have been telling me to give it time and keep my head up she will come around. All I can do at this point is keep her in prayer and wait. The waiting game is not easy and sometimes I blame myself replaying that Friday night in my head over and over. It's not easy when you help and support someone and they do not want to talk to you. I pray daily that the lines of communication be reopened.  I just wanted to share this with all of you.[/quote]

Am copying it here verbatim because it moved me so much... been hearing so much about people suffering from depression. I'm just hoping that in this connected world every sad soul finds someone to share with. 

Being Replaced

We all like to tell ourselves we're special - and that's why it hurts so much when we're replaced. For when you're replaced you realize that your role wasn't unique.  You realize that people appreciated you more for the role you were playing than for who you really were.  And that's why you should hold on to the people who can't and won't replace you.  People who love you for who you are and who cannot find that particular combination of quirks, good, evil, madness, mayhem, love, caring, etc that you bring to the table.

If someone likes you because you're their friend, then they can always find another friend to replace you... but when they like you for being you - they can't.

So if you have people like that in your life, hold on to them, hug them tight, and enjoy the feeling of being loved in return...

Trying to be better

Isn't it an absolute truism that you end up hurting the people you care about the most? I know I often do. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes I do.

But in the end, if you truly care, you have to give people what they want/need - and in my eternal quest to save my soul, I'm trying.

Sometimes I wonder why I try to be nice or good or whatever - am I looking for admiration - not from others maybe (cos a lot of it is secret) - but from myself? Do I want to rest on my laurels and tell myself I tried? My most recent conclusion is that I am trying to bribe earn my way into heaven. For some reason I know I'm not nice enough, not good enough, for God and the gatekeepers. So I try. Oh so hard. Sometimes I act instinctively and my bad side comes out... but when I have a moment to think - when I have a moment to choose - I'm trying oh so hard to make the good choices - to make people happy.

It's the Harry Potter theory - Harry chose to be in Gryffindor and that choice made him who he was. The concept blew my mind when I first understood it, and it's directed my efforts ever since. Maybe I'm not a good person instinctively - but I'm trying to choose to be, every time I can.  And maybe that will be enough for God and he will stop punishing me.

Danny Macaskill: The Ridge

Scoring with small things

I re-read a book I'd read a long time ago (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus) and wanted to share just one of the many wonderful lessons it contains -

Men and women keep score differently.

Men give low scores to everyday acts of love/service and high scores to what they consider big gestures. Women give every act a score of one.

Moral of the story - If you want a guy to feel you've done something great for him, don't bother about the small everyday things - get him one big thing.
To please a woman - one big thing would only get the giver a score of one - so the only way to rack up a high score would be to do small things everyday.

Will edit this post later.  Just wanted to capture the thought right away... It's important and often neglected.

Snapdeal Ad - Creepy!!!

Saw an ad for Snapdeal that made my head spin for a bit... some guy raving about how his gf's younger sister is cute and roams about with them - apparently making it a two for one deal. Yucks!!!

They couldn't possibly have fallen into that one by mistake... which means that more than one wacko thought the ad was a good idea.... super creepy!!!

Arrow

Arrow – Stupid stupid people. I don’t know why I watch this show.  There is not one person in this show that I like whole heartedly.  The one that come the closest is probably Felicity with Diggle a distant second...  

All the rest are a bunch of twisted complicated lying second-rate characters.  Most of the supposedly ‘good guys’ all have good intentions about 50% of the time, but then, as is proverbially said, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

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Edit: Just remembered - I watch this show because this is one of the first shows my mom became a fan off and I just had to see what could make a previously non-tv watcher a fan! 

Just to see you smile...

The romantic reunion that made me cry the most recently? – the old servant reuniting with his wife when Drew Barrymore rescues him from the slavers in Ever After: A Cinderella Story

Why did that make me tear up when most romances just make me barf these days?

Guess because I’ve seen how love seems to die for most people. Most people after 20-25 years of marriage seem to be bound only by society and habit.  They no longer care about each other, they no longer wait to talk to each other, they no longer appreciate the smile on each other’s face… and that is sad, for what is love if not the desire to make someone happy, to take away their pain and bring a smile to their face…

When you no longer care about making the person you love smile, you know that you’re very close to the end. And vice versa – when someone doesn’t care about making you smile – maybe it’s time to pack up and kill that particular story. Maybe wait for a love that will truly last ever after – long after you’re bent and crabby, long after you’ve lost your teeth and charm, a love that will look at you and still care that you smile…

Fringe

Fringe – I’m somewhere in Season 4, and I have no idea where the show will go… I know I can google n find out but… there’s more pleasure in watching it unfold each day.  But today, I just want to pay homage to the minds who created it.  They may never have written books, but the episode in which Walter, Peter and William Bell enter Olivia’s mind to find her blew my mind! And whoever visualized the episode beginning with the reversed gravity – awesome! The writers are writers in every sense of the word. They have created worlds second to none, and their plotting, and characterization is good enough to have made them very popular authors at least to the sci-fi crowd.

How has this show not won its writers more awards?!?

August 2014 - An ending

August 2014 - So many things can happen in a month... Some good, some bad

True to form, I'm going to write about the bad - hoping that this blog will help me process my life as it did 8 years ago when it made me who I am.

I'm so picky about my friends because I truly believe I have high standards.  And because I pick them so carefully I usually never hesitate to give them my all.  Because of which, when for the first time a friend accused me of 'conduct-unbecoming-a-friend', I was shattered.  I'm so used to my friends trusting me and knowing that I would do anything for them maybe it was just a gigantic kick to my ego.  But jokes apart - yes, it hurt. And yes, it broke me. And yes, I crawled into my head and licked my wounds until other friends finally told me to snap out of it because to them I've been the friend I always believed myself to be.  So, here I am, once again myself again. Thanks to those who reminded me I'm so much more than one person's opinion of me.  Scarred again, but hell, whats a few scars anyway.  Down the road they just remind you how strong you are.

That was a few weeks ago, but much worse than that was in store.  Once again I've been proved wrong.  And the funny thing is I wasn't even trying to be proved right or wrong.  I made a request, a simple one.  One that could be fulfilled by the expenditure of time and caring.  The problem with making simple requests is that it feels so much worse when they are ignored.  Ask for something complicated and you can tell yourself that the person couldn't grant it.  Ask for something simple and you'll feel every denial like a million little reminders of how unimportant your request was.  So how was I wrong?  I didn't think the request was a big deal.  Its only now, when I'm feeling like a discarded tissue (my favourite metaphor) that I realize what a big deal the repercussions of denial of a small request can be.

I hope September is better...