'Adu Mami'

Yesterday an old lady from my mom's village died. Everyone in the village, and even families like mine who had hardly any connection with it, knew her as 'Adu mami'. She was really old and had been bed-ridden for a long time n yet her death made more of an impact on me than any death for years.

It wasn't that I knew her well. I didn't. Maybe it was the fact that she knew me. She knew my birthday n she made sure she knew of every important development in my life. It wasn't anything personal. She was like the village memory bank. She knew everything about everyone there. In a way, though I never really felt that I belonged there, as long as she was alive, I was a part of the village.

No one else there might know that I belong. Very few people will know whose daughter I am. She knew. And she always made sure I knew too. I will miss her.

the day before the last

The month is almost over and it will end my self-imposed 'post every day' rule. What have I learned from the experience?

1) I can pay attention to the small details when I decide to.
2) It's not always a good idea to force words out. Sometimes the result may be good but often it's just unmitigated crap.
3) I realised that I write best when I feel strongly about something. When I bottle it up for a few days n then let it spill out.
4) I've realised that writing about something allows me see it from a by-stander's point of view, and that sometimes the new point of view makes me see holes in my own.
5) I realised that writing for oneself is wonderful n cathartic but when it's read by others it gets new meaning. It forces you to think things through. You can't be as abrupt and dogmatic as you want to. It teaches you consideration n politeness. Infact it teaches you all the things you think you don't have to pay attention to online.

And most importantly I realised that I love blogging... just not every day!

Hula Hooping!

I always thought people who used to hula hoop were really really cool n sexy. Then I saw an old episode of Full House in which the oldest kid can do it and ever since that day I told myself one day I'd be able to do it too.

Well that day hasn't come yet but atleast now I have a hoop and everytime I want, I can try n experience once again the exasperation that comes from not being able to do something that looks so damn easy when others do it.

About the video posted below, the full story is here.

That Old Pair of Jeans-Fatboy Slim - Steve Glashier

It takes a few minutes to load up completely...

Pathetic...

Tsk, tsk, I just came online to check n I have to say the guesses were pretty pathetic...LOL

Too bad folks. Anyway, just to make this a little fairer I'll put the video up tomorrow. Before that, here are a few clues.

1) This is something that I thought would be quite easy to do. It turns out it's anything but!
2) It's something that's quite good for a person's health.
3) The toy can be all in one piece or it may need assembly. For instance mine is made up of 6 pieces of different colours.
4) It's great to watch anyone doing this. If it's an expert performing it's as good as a show and if it's a beginner like me, it's like watching a clown performing.

There, now let's see some intelligence. C'mon people!

Guess the game!?!

I'm much too busy to come online these days but I am making time to practice the "game". I'm pretty sure most of you must be dead tired of all these references to it. [I know I am!] :) Well I've got some good news. I managed to do a few rounds today. I know it was just dumb luck cos I have no control over 'it' at all but still...

Tomorrow there's a b'day in the house n I won't have much time to post but I'm gonna put up a video of the "game" which as most of you must have guessed isn't actually a game at all. I just called it that for want of a better name.

Anyway, let's see who can guess what the "game" is. Post a comment with your guess and all those who are right will get pretty much anything they want from me as long as its cheap n reasonable. :D [You can see how sure I am that no one's gonna get it!]

Of cats n dogs...

It's already 11.30 n I need to write a post n go watch some t.v. at twelve. Unfortunately the cat is sitting on the chair next to me and demanding that I scratch his head n neck. Hence my two-finger typing has now be reduced to one finger typing, since my right hand is busy petting the cat...

Now he's bending n making sure I scratch his ear. What's it with cats n their ears. I've seen him scratching his ears loads of times. When he can do it himself I think it's rude of him to make me do it. I'd rather scratch his chin. Atleast then I feel useful. I pretty sure he can't do it himself.

Ok, now while he takes a break n gives himself a good lick all over I'll try n finish this off.

I used to hate cats until I was about 14 when my mom n sis brought a tiny kitten home. She was so adorable even my dog loved her. He used to lick her whenever she was wet or hurt during her escapades. I can't really imagine anyone being able to stay aloof from a little kitten that's determined to crawl into your lap and snuggle up.

Hmmm... I think I'm going a little off track. What I started out to do was explain the basic difference between the natures of cats n dogs.

If a man takes good care of his dog, takes him for walks at the right time, gves him good food, loves him n in short is an ideal master the dog will think, "My master must be a really wonderful person. He wouldn't take such good care of me otherwise."
If a man takes care of a cat the same way, with love n devotion, the cat will think, "I must be a really wonderful creature. This human wouldn't take such good care of me otherwise."

That Old Pair of Jeans-Fatboy Slim - Steve Glashier

New Interests...

I've decided I need a new interest. I'm going to learn to play a 'game' of sorts. I'm not going to specify which one because though experts look very elegant as they 'play the game', the learning process is embarrassing for the person attempting to learn and hilarious for those watching. I don't want anyone turning up just to have a good laugh.

If I ever get the hang of it though I'll shout it out from the rooftops :D

Murder.

Recently a boy of 18 was murdered by 2 of his best friends together with 3 other boys. It's come as a shock because most of the boys involved are from very well known families. One guys parents are good doctors and another guy is the nephew of a well known lawyer n is also related to a prominent retired cop.

I've heard of such incidents but somehow, now that it happened right here, to people I know off, everything is different. All the 'murderers' were good students and pretty well known among their age group. Three of them are students in my college though they joined the year I passed out so I didn't know them personally.

What went wrong? The papers say they needed money to 'maintain' their high profile life style. So what? There must be loads of guys in that situation. What made these guys different?
Was the guy who died such a bad judge of character? These guys were supposed to be his best friends!
What did he feel as they strangled him? Was he conscious? Did he try to talk to them?
Did he keep thinking..."This can't be happening to me!?!".

Everyone keeps talking about the murder. They express shock and outrage but I feel it's something more. I think most people enjoy talking about the incident because it makes them feel a little self satisfied. They can rejoice in the fact that no matter how bad their own kids are, atleast they aren't murderers.
Everyone unconnected to the murders must feel a little smug and sanctimonious. I can hear the voices... "This is what comes of spoiling children n giving them too much freedom".
Even when the words are full of pity there's a nasty undercurrent of glee... "I can't imagine how bad it must be for the families of those boys."

This isn't meant to be a criticism. Most people search for silver linings and focus on them when they're trying to pretend that all is well in their world. As long as they focus on pitying someone else, they retain their superior position. That way they don't have to face the fact that it might have been their son. They don't have to wonder... "I don't like the looks of my son's friends. I hope..."

There is also a minority that have faced the fact that it could happen to them and as a result have begun policing their children's lives.

The rest of the people must be like me. I can't dredge up any emotion except a faint stirring of pity for the parents of the accused. I've tried to tell myself that a young boy was murdered. I've tried to feel for the family of the victim. But...
It's true that the first day I was sure the victim had pretended to be kidnapped so as to extract money from his folks. But now that he's dead I ought to feel something. Anything. But... nothing.

Lucid Dreams

For the past few months I've had many dreams in which I knew that I was dreaming. Since most were terrifying I even managed to extricate myself from them though not without difficulty. Sometimes I managed to wake myself up and on one occasion I dreamt that I woke up. Anyway, it's not something I talk about so I had no idea that it's a common phenomenon called Lucid Dreaming.

The past few days I've been researching Astral Travel as background material for a story I'm writing. The whole concept is fascinating but the best part is that I finally found an everyday explanation for something that I thought was weird. It's great to know that I'm not experiencing something inexplicable.

It makes me hope that many other things that seem insoluble will explain themselves in their own time.

Guinea pigs required for relationship testing.

Many people I know I getting married next year. Some of them have chosen partners that are a bit 'unexpected'. It's scary how many people decide to settle down with a 'suitable' person just cos they..

a) Don't have the patience to wait; or
b) Are scared of being lonely.

I know many people in relationships who are lonelier than they ever were when they were single. I think it's high expectations that cause the problem.
People assume that just cos they are in a relationship they need never be alone again. They insist on sharing everything n while that may work for a bit in the end it just seems to drive them apart.

On the other hand relationships grow through sharing...

Ok, I give up. Further testing required.

Hmmm... I think some of the couples I know should volunteer as guinea pigs. I'm sure I could keep them busy with my theories for years together :)

Any takers?

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

I don't usually comment on movies unless they are extremely good. But like everyone else I just have to spew forth my opinion on Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

Luckily everyone warned me that the movie was unbearable. Those comments lowered my expectations so much that I ended up enjoying the movie. [Ok, maybe not the whole movie.]

I'll start with what I liked about the movie.

1. The songs.
2. Abhishek Bachchan.

Now for the rest...

The dialogues were pathetic. Every cliche ever used in the history of Indian Cinema was reused and stretched into a 5 minute monologue. And every character was a caricature of an archetypal character. The bitter husband with the successful wife. The loving light hearted husband who doesn't take anything seriously and the cold wife.

Ok, the cold wife didn't make much sense to me. But all the rest of the characters reminded me of real people I've met. Unfortunately Karan Johar drew everyone so clearly that it's hard to find the shades of grey that make you identify with the characters. Whoever is good is very very good, and whoever is bad is horrid.

All said n done, go ahead n watch it if you can get a seat on the aisle because the first three hours of the movie are ok. The last half hour however is a new form of torture. I wanted to walk out but there were people on either side so I was trapped. Only Karan Johar would trivialise an extra marital affair n try to turn it into a 'feel good', 'we're all saints here' kind of movie. The end is so bad, if I hadn't cut my nails I'd have started peeling my skin of my body just to distract myself. Since I couldn't do that, I spent that whole agonising half hour reading a book with the light from my mobile.

The odd thing is that though I haven't come across a single person who liked the movie, the damn thing is a hit.

Serendipity

Serendipity - That's my favourite word. Not for the way it sounds but for what it represents.

My dictionary says it's "Good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries", but to me it's so much more. It's every light that turns green just as you reach it, it's every job offer you receive just when you're wondering where to apply, it's the kitten you find outside your door when you're thinking about adopting one. In short to me it's the exact antithesis of Murphy's Law. Serendipity is what occurs when everything goes right. When every step of the way you can 'feel' the pieces fall into place.

It's what I pray for every day.

What is love?

Most relationships suck at times. I saw a sappy movie with one memorable line today. The guy/hero/main lead said 'I'd prefer fighting with you to making love with anyone else'.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's just about finding someone who you want to be with even if you fight.

Maybe it's not, but it sure comes closer than any other explanation I've heard recently.

Just say No!

I had actually started to shut down my computer before I remembered that I hadn't posted today. Hmmm.. It's almost 4 am so maybe I should say yesterday but what the heck. My day ends only when I fall asleep. Hehehe. That's funny cos sometimes I don't go to sleep all night. So guess I've experienced days that didn't end... Nice way of stretching time if I could only make it work.

A friend called up n asked me to do him a favour. A big favour. And I can't. I tried to explain, I tried to slide out of it, I tried hints. In fact I tried everything except an outright no. So of course here I am worrying about yet another task I've been roped in to do, by people who can't seem to get hints. This guy specially has a bad track record in my book. But he's a friend. So here I go again...

I really need to learn to say NO.

Actually that's not accurate. I can say no, I just can't deal with the unpleasantness that follows. Specially when it's someone I care about. Damn!

My hair dies fast!

They say a little knowledge is dangerous. I don't know about that but I'd be the first to testify that a little knowledge can raise some pretty stupid thoughts in a persons mind.

For instance I know that both our hair n our nails are made of dead cells. Or something like that. All these years I've been quite happy that my hair grows really fast. Today however it occurred to me, that since hair is made up of dead cells my hair doesn't grow fast, it dies fast!

Discipline

I've decided I need more discipline in my life. I need to face up to the hard tasks ahead n do them diligently without making excuses at the last minute.

It's gonna be just like a recovery programme. I don't know much about them but I'm sure most of them start with some 12 step programme or something. I don't know about 12 steps but I'm going take it one step at a time.

I know it's gonna be hard... sigh... but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I hereby pledge to do my best n blog everyday for the rest of the month.

So there you have it. A new post each day. Even if it consists of just one word sometimes. [If that's the case I'll make sure the word is an interesting one. It ought to be fun picking words anyway]

Whew! I did it! Took my first steps on the path of discipline.

I feel wiser n more at peace already.

"C" plans dashed

Today's Thursday. Tomorrow it'll be a whole damn week since I wrote to the 'friend of my dad's friend'. I was so nervous about writing to him I spent the whole of last week postponing it. Then on Friday my dad asked about it n I didn't have any excuse to avoid it so I wrote a really nice email telling him i'd waited for the weekend out of consideration to him. Yeah right! Anyway, when I didn;t get an immediate reply I thought my plan backfired cos he doesn;t chk his mail on the weekeknds. But it's almost the next weekend now. He's had almost a full week. Apparently I'm not important enough to get the courtesy of a reply.

Anyway, I researched the subject and I don't see any chances of me making it in this field unless he gives me entree. Which at present has moved from the realms of my dreams to the outer reaches of my fantasy.

"If you want God to have a good laugh, tell him your plans." - 'Sue Thomas, F.B. Eye, Hallmark.

Gibberish

The spammers have discovered me. After months of laguishing on the sidelines I have gained the attention of the evil minions of commerce. They have decided to 'honour' me with their spam and they've done it with a vengence.

All of which is a way of saying I just had to delete loads of spam and if you want to comment you'll now have to type in a word from the 'Gibberish' language. I have a copy of a rare English-Giberish dictionary so anyone who leaves a comment may ask me for the translation if they are interested in learning a new language.

musings...

There's a fine line I'm trying to draw everytime I'm online. Just how much of my life is personal and not to be shared with random strangers and how much can be shared without any doubts.

Obviously any facts about the professonal or social aspects of my life should be kept out. The last thing I want to find is that people around me have discovered my blog. I'll have to quit and start another one and that's not something I have any intention of doing. Right now, only my long distance friends know about this. Hmmm... I think I'm pretty safe but then complacency is what spells the end for many.

I'm not even sure why I don't like the idea of people around me reading my blog. It's not like I pen down secrets.

Infact one of my best friends in the whole world, who knows almost all my secrets, doesn't know about this blog. In the case of many good friends, I can tell myself it's cos they either don't use the internet much or cos they would be bored silly. But this guy uses the net a lot and I rarely worry about boring him. So why am I not telling him about this blog?

Is it cos I'm very sensitive to his opinion? I honestly don't think so.

...1....2....3....

Ok. I think I know why. And now I wish I hadn't tried to figure it out after all.